With the election of dangerous fools into positions of power or potential power across the world over the past few years (Pauline Hanson, George Christensen, Donald Trump, et al), we have seen a marked increase in the amount of markedly false arguments being made across the whole internet. While this is nothing new in and of itself, these publicly dangerous fools have allowed the nutjobs to feel safe enough to come out of the woodwork, so to speak.
We are seeing these crazies become more emboldened than ever to discriminate, harass, and spread lies, fear, and hatred; both on the internet, and in the real world.
As a socially responsible progressive leftie (a definition of which I will provide at a later time) who cares about his fellow humans, I cannot simply stand by and allow this to happen.
I recently had a heated discussion with a character on Google+ who boasted that he was "the guy that told a hijab wearing woman in front of her family that [he's] the infidel allah warned her about because she wouldn't stop staring at [him] and [his] family" and continued to insist that he was somehow the victim of aggression, and that what he did was socially acceptable - all this in a topic about Vegemite, mind you!
Now obviously, this shit doesn't fly, and I (and others) pointed out the folly of his argument, but he continued. Not being one to back down when I believe I'm right, I completely deconstructed this individual's argument.
This takes a lot of time and energy, so I have decided to start charging for it where appropriate. In addition to my day job, I have two bands. I write, record, and produce incidental music. I provide consultation services and advice in customer relations environments.
In short, I generally have better things to do, but considering the times we live in, I'm going to take these fools on and make them literally pay for it, if it takes more than a couple of replies.
So, if you've come to this post as a result of me directing you to view it in the course of a discussion, here are my terms of service as of today:
Terms of service
- By continuing to engage Lindsay Unfunk Freeman (hereafter known as “the supplier”) in heated discussion (beyond the second reply) with arguments or points that can be easily and readily proven false, the arguer (hereafter known as “the client”) is agreeing to engage the supplier in providing a service.
- The supplier is entitled to compensation for their time in analysing and deconstructing the client’s argument. Minimum charge for any item is one hour, increasing in 15-minute intervals.
- The client is not financially liable for incidental time (such as time taken to repair communication faults during said discussions).
- The supplier’s base rates are set at an average of the rates the supplier would otherwise receive for performing their duties listed on page 1 of this invoice. [note: this is currently $75 per hour]
- The supplier is entitled to add a “multiplier” to the base rate based on the veracity of the client. Generally these multipliers are as in the table at the end of this document, but the supplier can reduce these as they see fit.
- The supplier is entitled to apply further discounts at their own discretion.
- Payment or other compensation MUST be made within sixty (60) calendar days of the invoice issue date.
- Failure to make payment or contact with the supplier for payment arrangement or settlement of the invoice within the aforementioned period may result in debt collection activity commencing without further contact.
- Late payment, or paying by payment plan incurs General Interest Charge, which is pegged at the same rate as that charged by the Australian Tax Office.See www.ato.gov.au/Rates/General-interest-charge-(GIC)-rates/ for details.
- Payment need not be made in cash; the supplier is open to trading their services for other goods, including (but not limited to) musical instruments and accessories, sound production equipment, technological items or gadgets, cat toys, and chocolate.NOTE: Non-cash payments attract a hefty discount on the full invoice amount. Contact the supplier with your offer.
- In the unlikely scenario that the supplier should “lose” an argument, an invoice will still be issued and be deemed valid.
- The supplier’s invoice will always be rounded down to the previous whole dollar amount.
- The supplier is not legally required to be registered for GST and therefore does not charge GST on their services.
- The supplier can, at their discretion, choose not to issue an invoice for their services. The reasons for this may vary, but can include such things as the unexpectedly high quality of the discussion, or a respect (mutual or not) for the client.
Multipliers
Factor †
Maximum multiplier
Racial Supremacist
5.0
Climate Change Denialist
4.5
Faux Social Warrior*
3.5
Homophobe or anti-LGBT rights
3.0
General Left- or Right-Wing Nutjob
2.0
* a “Faux Social Warrior” is a client who believes they have the moral high ground, despite their own evidence to the contrary.
† The supplier reserves the right to add other multipliers as they see fit, but any not listed here will be capped at 2.0x the base rate.
Any enquiries can be directed to unfnk.nblvbl+invoices@gmail.com
(last updated: February 5, 2017)
An (extreme) example invoice:
Invoices will initially be sent as a screenshot of page 1, and a full PDF including a breakdown of the ToS agreed to is available upon request.
Factor †
|
Maximum multiplier
|
Racial Supremacist
|
5.0
|
Climate Change Denialist
|
4.5
|
Faux Social Warrior*
|
3.5
|
Homophobe or anti-LGBT rights
|
3.0
|
General Left- or Right-Wing Nutjob
|
2.0
|
* a “Faux Social Warrior” is a client who believes they have the moral high ground, despite their own evidence to the contrary.
† The supplier reserves the right to add other multipliers as they see fit, but any not listed here will be capped at 2.0x the base rate.
(last updated: February 5, 2017)
